There is only one way to kill a zombie.

Ed awoke feeling much better about his head, but it might have had something to do with adrenaline. Being awoken by screams tends to clear the cobwebs pretty quickly.

It was very dark, and the only light came from the guttering campfire a dozen yards away. Alice was by the fire, attempting to cradle the enormous bulk of the caterpillar. The caterpillar's body was limp as Alice tried to heft his body, to shake him awake. Even in the dim, uneven light of the fire, Ed could see the caterpillar had somehow suffered massive injury. The creature's blood was glistening and black as it ran from a dozen different wounds.

Then Ed saw the figures dressed in black, hovering around the perimeter of the campfire. One of their number was sprawled on the ground in front of Alice, clearly dead. She had done some damage, and was keeping them at bay, stabbing wildly at the darkness with her knife, but she could not hold them back much longer. Her eyes were huge and watery, mad with grief. Her stabs were desperate, and the shadowy figures we becoming more aggressive. They moved and reacted like animals, darting forward and back, hunched over, but they were clearly human.

One moved into the firelight, and Ed gasped, correcting himself. They looked human.

The creature's skin was pale and bluish, snaked with huge black veins that glistened in the firelight. One side of its jaw hung unhinged, dangling shreds of skin and flopping obscenely as the monster scurried around the huddled forms of Alice and the caterpillar. It was wearing a tattered business suit.

Ed stalled in his terror, but just for a moment.

He knew a zombie when he saw one, and his course of action was clear:

Massive head trauma.

What he needed was a shotgun, but the chances of finding a shotgun in the woods at such an opportune time in such an unexpected situation was beyond even the most offensive of plot holes. He'd have to find some sort of blunt object.

Luckily, nestled amongst the underbrush of a nearby tree was a length of branch, weathered from time into the approximate length and sturdiness of a baseball bat.

There were even vicious little bits of hardended wood sticking out of the heavy end, doing a very good job of simulating nails.

Ed hefted it, testing its weight, being careful to avoid the little spikes. He took a few practice swipes. The club made a heavy swOOOsh as it cut through the air. Ed felt like he might be able to swing it for a year, should it come to that.

From the direction of the campfire, Ed heard Alice scream again. The zombies appeared to be closing in.

Ed grasped the club tightly with both hands and burst out of the trees. The startled creatures turned to look at this new development. Tatters of business suits, power ties and various appendages swayed loosely as they turned. Ed made the club go swOOOsh.

One of the zombies gave a snarl and all four of the creatures came at Ed, as fast as they could shamble.

Ed stood his ground, and squatted into a batter's stance. He grinned a dark grin.

He'd always wanted to fight a zombie.