Tanned lacy rice, Oju.

Ed awoke and realized one thing:

"I need to stop peeing my pants. Once is ok, but twice? I am lame."

Then he realized a second thing:

There was alot of ass-kicking going on.

There were now two phalluses in the room. There was the first one, the mean green pseudopod. It had dislodged itself from the ceiling and was scurrying around the room on goopy spider legs, just out of the reach of the second, which was much larger.

The second phallus was a caterpillar the size of a buffalo and it was wearing a red bandana. It had reared back on its hind-section and was brandishing a dozen different weapons in its many legs. It fended off the office supply monster with a spear, while dodging the barrage of pens, pencils, and scissors issuing at high speed from the other monster's mouth.

The caterpillar turned its head and looked at Ed. It turned back to its battle, then looked back at Ed quickly. It bellowed something, but Ed didn't catch it over the noise of the fracas.

"What!?" Ed yelled.

A hand grabbed his shoulder and whipped him around. He was face to face with a beautiful young blonde woman in black-ops clothes. She also wore a red bandana.

"He said, 'Whoooooo are yooooou'."

She slipped a knife under his throat.

"I would ask you the same question."

Despite the knife, Ed still managed to notice the inert form of Miss Books lying jumbled in the corner behind the blonde.

From behind Ed there was a squeal and a pop. Ed turned around long enough to see the caterpillar prising his spear from the deflated body of the phallus. Shredded paper was spewing from the wound like a geyser and began to float around the room. The blonde commando spun him back around. She poked the knife into his neck and drew blood.

"You didn't answer my question. Who are you? What mythos do you hail from? I had better like the answer."

The caterpillar scurried over to her with surprising speed.

"Tiiiiime is ofthe essssssssence. We mussssst take him wiiiith us."

The caterpillar lit a cigarette and proceeded to blow smoke rings.

"Come with us stranger. If you try to escape I will stab you someplace vital."

Ed looked back at Miss Books. She was bleeding and she was not moving. Ed decided to follow the sexy black-ops lady.

The woman and the caterpillar led Ed through a maze of halls and doorways. The building was larger on the inside than it was on the outside. After two or three miles, he realized with a start that he could not find his way back even if he could get away from the other two.

I should probably stop following strange, sexy ladies. Ed thought to himself.

"Yes, but where would be the fun in that?" he said aloud.

The woman stopped short and turned to look at him.

"You talk to yourself when you life is in peril? You must be a strong character indeed. Pill, stop here. We are safe for the time being. This must be done now."

The caterpillar stopped and lit another cigarette. He watched the two with interest.

"Who are you and what are you doing in a Factory? You are certainly no Stereotypical that I have ever seen, and you are clearly no phallic monstrosity. What is your mythos?"

Ed had no words to answer these questions. Words he might have understood were put into strange places and contexts, and he was five miles deep into a bottomless office building.

"I don't know what any of that means." He looked at the armed giant caterpillar. "I don't even know what is going on here."

He looked at the caterpillar again.

"Can I bum a smoke?"

The caterpillar handed one to him by passing it from one leg to another down the length of his body. Ed took it.

"Uh, thanks."

The girl lit it, but she was all business. There was no comraderie in the flame.

"Let us start with the basics. What is your name."

"Ed Cavendish."

"Where are you from?"

Given the situation, Ed thought he would be a little more general.

"America."

"Americana?"

"America."

The caterpillar dropped seven or eight weapons.

"Hooooooollllleeeeeee shit." He said.

The girl grabbed him by the the shoulders. She looked a little shaken.

"America. The United States. The World. You come from humanity?"

"I like to think so."

The caterpillar became visably panicked. A panicked giant caterpillar is an unpleasant sight.

"Jesus Christ, Alice, why do you think we're in the middle of this hallway, yakking away when we've probably got twenty Cowboys on our tail? He wanted information and we are giving it to him, not the other way around. He's an AUTHOR!"

The caterpillar bolted down the hallway. Somewhere close was the sound of horses and gunfire. Ed thought he heard a "Yee-haw!".

Alice did not seem shaken. She holstered her knife and looked Ed up and down.

"Curiouser and curiouser."

She grabbed Ed's arm and they sprinted down the hall after the big larva.