Journeys of an accidental nomenclature

The girl who came around the corner was a librarian. There was nothing else she could be. Her hair was bound behind her head in a tight bun, and long chains hung from her glasses and met in the back of her head. She was holding a large leatherbound book in the crook of her right arm, and a large, gruesome-looking inkstamp in her left hand. She wore sensible, comfortable looking shoes.

"How did you know my name?" Ed asked.

"It's on your briefcase."

"Well, yeah, but I'm like thirty feet away from you."

The librarian gave a coy smile.

"Mr. Cavendish, we at Sequalia Amalgamated thank you for your interest the position. You may call me...Miss Books. I will be your liaison through the interview process."

Miss Books gestured toward a long, well-lit corridor. Fluorescent light glared off her glasses, hiding her eyes.

"Would you like a tour of the facilities?"

Ed knew better, he really did.

1. Creepy mind-reading and/or future predicting?

It is possible and less insane that she did somehow mange to read the briefcase from across the room.

2. A librarian named Miss Books who seems to be hiding something?

Well, I don't know if she even is a librarian. She sure as hell looks like one though. What would a murderous librarian be doing in an apparently-abandoned-but-not-really factory anyway?

3. Free T-shirt?

Yes, please.

Ed and Miss Books walked side-by-side down the corridor. Her sensible shoes went clopclop-clopclop as she gestured to and spoke about the various rooms that they walked past. She gestured with her inkstamp in her hand.

Ed began to grow more relaxed. Everything seemed to be of the normal state of affairs for an office building. Accounting Department. Mail Room. Paperwork Regurgitation.

Ed stopped short a moment.

"I'm sorry, did you say 'Paperwork Regurgitation'?"

Miss Books stopped. She turned and walked back to where Ed was standing. He could not see her eyes again, and she was clutching her inkstamp like a mace. She was standing very close to Ed. Her skin was perfect, and it would have taken very little effort to lean down and kiss her forehead. He probably wouldn't have, even if he hadn't been about to pee himself out of fear of her. She handed him her inkstamp and turned toward the door labeled Paper Regurgitation. She pulled out a massive ring of keys, which jangled as she tried them in the lock.

"Yes. Our PR department is one of the most efficient in the business." Miss Books opened the door.

Ed saw what was in the room. He hugged briefcase tightly to his chest.

Ed peed in his pants a little bit.

A giant green pseudopod dangled from the ceiling of what was otherwise a very normal office. The bottom end rested over a conveyor belt, and it was producing various small objects: documents, letterheads, pens and pencils. At the moment it was producing a white object that looked suspiciously like a t-shirt. Miss Books walked over to the conveyor belt and picked it up.

Ed gathered himself and moved his briefcase from his chest to cover the stains on his pants.

"What exactly is your business, Miss Books?"

Miss Books unfurled the T-Shirt and held it out for Ed to read.

I GOT MY MIND BLOWN

AT SEQUALIA AMALGAMATED

The green pseudopod lifted its end over Miss Books' shoulder. The circle of its mouth (?) was lined with what looked like very sharp, very dangerous teeth. Ed could not see Miss Books' eyes. The dripping green tooth-maw curved into what was could not be mistaken for anything but a smile.

It spoke with a voice that dripped with slime, choked with moisture. It was deep and commanding just the same.

"Why...Mr. Cavendisssssh." it slurped.

"We are...in the busssinessss of...(slurp, chlok)...fantassssy."

The pseudopod slipped off Miss Books' shoulder and resumed its production.

Miss Books walked forward and tossed Ed his free t-shirt.

Ed, quite naturally, fainted.